Adorable Assassin
by SirenSammy
Summary: We all know cats can be cute and cuddly, but is there more to them than we know? What happens when one Youtuber brings home a cat that plans to kill him? Just because Cheeto is cute doesn't mean he isn't deadly. (I hope this is the right category for this story lol)
1. Good Ending

This short little story was written for one of my favorite Youtubers Shane Dawson. He always jokes about how his cat named Cheeto is always planning to kill him so I took that joke and wrote a story to go with it. There are two different endings that I wrote, a good one and an evil one so please feel free to read one or the other or even both if you would like :) p.s I hope I put this in the right category... I was unsure of where to put it because it technically still falls into a "fan fiction" type of writing since its about a youtuber (maybe lol please tell me if I'm wrong) Thanks to everyone who reads and enjoys :)

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I lazily closed my eyes as I lay in the window, basking in the warmth of the sun shining through. Moments like this are the best part of my days, well besides eating that is. As I relax completely I let out a soft sigh and start another of my much deserved naps for the day. I was enjoying myself, until I hear the dreaded voice of _Him._ His voice as cringe worth as the shrill of a dying animal. The voice of the human I have been assigned to assassinate. The one named "Shane".

As much as I would have loved to just get the job done as soon as I was brought to this house as the "pet," things don't work out that easily in my line of work. The others from the Feline Assassination Academy that I trained with have all gone to their own targets, while some still wait for the right human to come along. My day arrived when the human known as "Shane" came and adopted me. That was the day my careful planning began. Every day of the many months I've been here, I have come closer and closer to fulfilling my role as a cat.

The FAA is a requirement for all cats, from classes on how to make a human love you and want to take care of you, to letting them get close enough to trust you fully before you attack. It is also vital that you learn how to plan your attack to be stealthy and quiet, which is exactly what I specialize in. Don't believe me, just ask my victims before Shane… Oh yeah, they all perished at my paw so I guess that would be a tad hard. They don't say cats have nine lives for nothing, my past three have been used to try to get the title of head feline assassin. Though I still have quite a while to go, I'm slowly but surely on my way to claim the right to that title.

Though, when I take the time to contemplate my life and how I'm treated by the humans here, the more conflicted I become. I do receive some delicious food from this human, probably the most delightful out of what I've received before, and his companion human "Ryland" is pretty bearable as far as humans go. Dare I say I may be a tad hesitant in having to go through with this assassination, but just a tad. I mean what other human would make me my own cat- sized cake and a cozy movie theater for me to enjoy my relaxation time in. This human by far has spoiled me the most, especially when he brought home that wonderful catnip for me that one time. It was such premium quality it made me completely forget everything for a good few hours. Luckily, being the professional I am, I recovered quickly and got back on track with my planning.

I have a guilty secret to admit, and that is I tried to spare the humans by trying to escape once, but was flawed when I was found and brought back to this abode. I can't complain though, for I may have made a mistake in my escape and got myself stuck in a predicament where having help was very valuable to my survival. I knew my time here was supposed to be coming to a close upon my rescue, so I continued to plan. The time was approaching when I would finally follow through with the assassination.

I knew waiting and timing would be two huge factors before I could begin, for the one "Shane" always seems to be awake for hours longer than any other human I have encountered. My plan required him to be asleep, so I could slip in and out without any hassle. The longer I put off my plan, the more frequently the FAA has tried to contact me. So far two different agents have shown up around the house to check on me, for they know I usually have my kill by now. They were supposed to remain unseen, but the humans have seen them and caught them on camera for their "video" even one time. I must remember to reprimand those rookies once I see them again. If they were followed back to headquarters for some reasons they could have put the entire organization in peril.

I shake my head to clear it out before returning to my basking, taking in the last of the sun before the night arrives. I have to strike, and I have to tonight or I could risk another rookie being sent out and being seen again. I went into a deep concentration, finalizing all the actions I need to carry out, from how to get my kill, down to my escape and having the other agents retrieve me from the rendezvous point. I set up the signal for the routine check to see, signaling I will be taking action tonight. The surrounding area is checked twice a day for my signal that I am prepared to put my plan into action. Everything has to, and thanks to my careful planning and precision will, go perfectly.

-Time Skip-

The moon sat high in the sky, showering the earth with its soft glow as I began to roam the house in preparation of the execution of my plan. I somehow managed to convince, much to my dismay, the mangy dog named Uno to help me. To my surprise he was a lot easier to convince than I anticipated, making it easier for me to escape since he agreed to keep out of my way. He also agreed to warn me of any interruptions that may arise, thought I have never had any in the past. He seemed to have a similar dislike for this human, for this reason I admit I misjudged this particular dog. That doesn't make him any less of a mangy mutt though.

The night hours passed by, Shane still not retiring for his slumber of the night. The early hours of the night turned to late, to almost early morning before he finally retired for the day. I checked the time and it read 3:30am. I hissed slightly in annoyance, I would be cutting my timing extremely close, sure I had enough time still but rushing these things leaves me feeling less content with my success. Regaining my composure, I prepared to spring into action.

Though, my first action required me to ensure that the human was fully asleep before I began. I waited, counting the minutes before I padded my way with agile, quiet footwork towards the sleeping quarters of the two humans. Slinking my way into the room through the slightly opened door, I paused as I reached the foot of the bed. Angling my ears, I honed into the breathing of both humans. The one named "Ryland" had been asleep for hours before the one named "Shane" leaving me to be assured he was definitely in a deep sleep. The breathing of Shane was the one I was most concerned about, but given the minutes I counted he should be in a deep enough sleep.

Straining my hearing to the max, I focused fully on the inhale and exhale of every breath, every movement he made, every sound that he made in between his breaths. There I sat, still as a statue as I again counted off the minutes. I knew my time had arrived once a snore accompanied one of the inhales of the once rhythmic breathing. This was my que, letting me know he was definitely in a deep enough sleep for me to strike. In one swift movement I hopped up onto the end of the bed, immediately pausing where I landed to ensure I did not create too much movement. The momentary pause lasted no longer than a few seconds before I proceeded with extreme precision in my paw placement and made my way to the head of the bed.

I paused once more as I reached my desired position, sitting next to the face of the human. The time for him to take his last breath was upon him. I took a moment to glance at the other human before turning my attention back to Shane. Any hesitation I may have felt has been diminished, for now there is no turning back.

I slanted my eyes as I raised my left paw up and grabbed my dew claw between my teeth. This was the most valuable claw that we cats possess, and the one we also have to be extra cautious about. The dew claw is every cat's assassination weapon, one that we all come equipped with at birth. With it being removable for easy kills, it must be kept the longest of all claws, as well as the most cared for claw, for it is the claw responsible for eliminating our targets. With its razor sharp tip and being untraceable by humans, it is the perfect murder weapon.

Positioning the dew claw just right in my mouth to give me the best angle for the slice, I went to make my move. Slinking my way so I was positioned right by his throat, I put my tail over his mouth to silence any noise he may make should he wake up even the slightest bit before bleeding out. I took one last look at Shane, thoughts I would normally repress surfacing in my mind. The good times I have had here, the feelings I've had the times I have put my hate for humanity aside and have just enjoyed the things he has given me. It made me feel remorse, sadness for what I had to do. The hesitation was something I have never experienced before, and I knew what it meant.

Sometimes some members of the FAA decide to give up their role of Assassin to live life with a human they find serve them to a high enough standard. They get one free pass, able to join the academy again in their next life. This "free pass" was one thing I swore I would never need, but sitting here so close to getting my kill, I had to stop and really consider if it was worth it. I mean, I did still have 5 lives after this one so how bad could taking a break for one really be?

I sighed to myself and replaced my dew claw and curled my tail as I held it high behind me. This human and his companion human are the ones that managed to change this grump of a cat's heart about humans and how they can actually be worth living with. I looked back one last time at the sleeping figures as I jumped down from the bed and padded my way down the stairs. The dog, Uno, was waiting for me by the window I was prepared to send the signal out of. He looked at me, silently questioning me about how things went.

Ignoring the mangy dog, I made my way to the window, preparing to leave a signal to let the others know of my choice when I saw one of the rookies rummaging around outside. I tapped my paw to the window twice before repeating with my nose, signaling for the rookie to come to the window. Upon hearing the signal, the grey rookie came up and met my eyes, waiting for me to give the signal. Instead, I held his gaze before slowly raising my paw to the window and slowly closing my eyes. The signal that I had decided that this abode, this human was not to be messed with any more for I chose to live the rest of this life I have here. Happy, for once in my cat life.

The rookie looked at me in shock, but slowly his shock look turned to that of happiness. He let me know that he would inform the head cats, and told me he would see me next life. I nodded in agreement, knowing fully that the heads of the academy would be shocked, but all would indeed be forgiven and I would see them all again after I spent my life here. Here, surrounded by love and admiration for once, and returning that affection on the occasion as well.


	2. Evil Ending

I lazily closed my eyes as I lay in the window, basking in the warmth of the sun shining through. Moments like this are the best part of my days, well besides eating that is. As I relax completely I let out a soft sigh and start another of my much deserved naps for the day. I was enjoying myself, until I hear the dreaded voice of _Him._ His voice as cringe worth as the shrill of a dying animal. The voice of the human I have been assigned to assassinate. The one named "Shane".

As much as I would have loved to just get the job done as soon as I was brought to this house as the "pet," things don't work out that easily in my line of work. The others from the Feline Assassination Academy that I trained with have all gone to their own targets, while some still wait for the right human to come along. My day arrived when the human known as "Shane" came and adopted me. That was the day my careful planning began. Every day of the many months I've been here, I have come closer and closer to fulfilling my role as a cat.

The FAA is a requirement for all cats, from classes on how to make a human love you and want to take care of you, to letting them get close enough to trust you fully before you attack. It is also vital that you learn how to plan your attack to be stealthy and quiet, which is exactly what I specialize in. Don't believe me, just ask my victims before Shane… Oh yeah, they all perished at my paw so I guess that would be a tad hard. They don't say cats have nine lives for nothing, my past three have been used to try to get the title of head feline assassin. Though I still have quite a while to go, I'm slowly but surely on my way to claim the right to that title.

Though, when I take the time to contemplate my life and how I'm treated by the humans here, the more conflicted I become. I do receive some delicious food from this human, probably the most delightful out of what I've received before, and his companion human "Ryland" is pretty bearable as far as humans go. Dare I say I may be a tad hesitant in having to go through with this assassination, but just a tad. I mean what other human would make me my own cat- sized cake and a cozy movie theater for me to enjoy my relaxation time in. This human by far has spoiled me the most, especially when he brought home that wonderful catnip for me that one time. It was such premium quality it made me completely forget everything for a good few hours. Luckily, being the professional I am, I recovered quickly and got back on track with my planning.

I have a guilty secret to admit, and that is I tried to spare the humans by trying to escape once, but was flawed when I was found and brought back to this abode. I can't complain though, for I may have made a mistake in my escape and got myself stuck in a predicament where having help was very valuable to my survival. I knew my time here was supposed to be coming to a close upon my rescue, so I continued to plan. The time was approaching when I would finally follow through with the assassination.

I knew waiting and timing would be two huge factors before I could begin, for the one "Shane" always seems to be awake for hours longer than any other human I have encountered. My plan required him to be asleep, so I could slip in and out without any hassle. The longer I put off my plan, the more frequently the FAA has tried to contact me. So far two different agents have shown up around the house to check on me, for they know I usually have my kill by now. They were supposed to remain unseen, but the humans have seen them and caught them on camera for their "video" even one time. I must remember to reprimand those rookies once I see them again. If they were followed back to headquarters for some reasons they could have put the entire organization in peril.

I shake my head to clear it out before returning to my basking, taking in the last of the sun before the night arrives. I have to strike, and I have to tonight or I could risk another rookie being sent out and being seen again. I went into a deep concentration, finalizing all the actions I need to carry out, from how to get my kill, down to my escape and having the other agents retrieve me from the rendezvous point. I set up the signal for the routine check to see, signaling I will be taking action tonight. The surrounding area is checked twice a day for my signal that I am prepared to put my plan into action. Everything has to, and thanks to my careful planning and precision will, go perfectly.

-Time Skip-

The moon sat high in the sky, showering the earth with its soft glow as I began to roam the house in preparation of the execution of my plan. I somehow managed to convince, much to my dismay, the mangy dog named Uno to help me. To my surprise he was a lot easier to convince than I anticipated, making it easier for me to escape since he agreed to keep out of my way. He also agreed to warn me of any interruptions that may arise, thought I have never had any in the past. He seemed to have a similar dislike for this human, for this reason I admit I misjudged this particular dog. That doesn't make him any less of a mangy mutt though.

The night hours passed by, Shane still not retiring for his slumber of the night. The early hours of the night turned to late, to almost early morning before he finally retired for the day. I checked the time and it read 3:30am. I hissed slightly in annoyance, I would be cutting my timing extremely close, sure I had enough time still but rushing these things leaves me feeling less content with my success. Regaining my composure, I prepared to spring into action.

Though, my first action required me to ensure that the human was fully asleep before I began. I waited, counting the minutes before I padded my way with agile, quiet footwork towards the sleeping quarters of the two humans. Slinking my way into the room through the slightly opened door, I paused as I reached the foot of the bed. Angling my ears, I honed into the breathing of both humans. The one named "Ryland" had been asleep for hours before the one named "Shane" leaving me to be assured he was definitely in a deep sleep. The breathing of Shane was the one I was most concerned about, but given the minutes I counted he should be in a deep enough sleep.

Straining my hearing to the max, I focused fully on the inhale and exhale of every breath, every movement he made, every sound that he made in between his breaths. There I sat, still as a statue as I again counted off the minutes. I knew my time had arrived once a snore accompanied one of the inhales of the once rhythmic breathing. This was my que, letting me know he was definitely in a deep enough sleep for me to strike. In one swift movement I hopped up onto the end of the bed, immediately pausing where I landed to ensure I did not create too much movement. The momentary pause lasted no longer than a few seconds before I proceeded with extreme precision in my paw placement and made my way to the head of the bed.

I paused once more as I reached my desired position, sitting next to the face of the human. The time for him to take his last breath was upon him. I took a moment to glance at the other human before turning my attention back to Shane. Any hesitation I may have felt has been diminished, for now there is no turning back.

I slanted my eyes as I raised my left paw up and grabbed my dew claw between my teeth. This was the most valuable claw that we cats possess, and the one we also have to be extra cautious about. The dew claw is every cat's assassination weapon, one that we all come equipped with at birth. With it being removable for easy kills, it must be kept the longest of all claws, as well as the most cared for claw, for it is the claw responsible for eliminating our targets. With its razor sharp tip and being untraceable by humans, it is the perfect murder weapon.

Positioning the dew claw just right in my mouth to give me the best angle for the slice, I went in for the strike. Slinking my way so the tip was positioned directly above his throat, I put my tail over his mouth to silence any noise he may make should he wake up even the slightest bit before bleeding out. I took one last look at Shane, all thoughts and memories of the "good times" pushed away to be forgotten. This right here, this is what all cats live for, what I live for. Any thought of settling down like some of my other fellow cats have made me laugh. What cat would ever find a human worth giving up the thrill of a kill for? I for one agreed to never take the "free pass" the academy offered. Having one of my lives wasted as a _pet_ was not going to get me the title of head assassin.

I slanted my ears back against my head as I pushed a little bit of pressure to the human's neck. The sharpness of the dew claw puncturing the skin like a hot knife through butter. I savored the feel of the point gliding across the flesh, no struggling from the human, and not one single noise. I always hit the mark right the first time, never having the human wake up on me. The kill is always fast and easy, this one being no different.

With my work done, I returned my dew claw to my paw and I took one last look at my latest kill before jumping off the bed and slinking my way back down the stairs. The mangy dog waited by the window I was to signal from, to let the patrolling rookies know my mission was complete. Walking with pride up to the window I looked out and caught the eyes of a grey rookie. I tapped my paw against the glass three times, my claws creating a satisfying tink with each tap, signaling the rookie. He nodded to me with a knowing glance before he let out a deep yowl to signal I was now returning to the academy to prepare for my next kill.

I congratulated myself as the rookie meet me outside the back door that I escaped from. He looked at me with admiration, knowing full well this was my fourth victim in a row, before we headed out into the darkness to prepare me for my next victim. The house left behind me disappeared from sight as I made my way into the darkness of the night, ready to accept my admiration from the cats back at the academy.


End file.
